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public-speakingCan you write when you’re mad? I can’t. If I’m truly pissed, not mildly aggrieved, I can’t get past the uproar in my head to focus on anything else. And then, that makes me even madder.

I don’t get that angry very often. Fortunately. Today it’s just a concatenation of little annoyances that built one on top of the next to leave me feeling ambushed by a surge of fucking, weasel-pissing, goddamning frustration that is billed in neon in my mind as

I’m Not Getting Anything Done

I vented to a friend and felt better for about two seconds. Maybe I need a bigger audience for my vent.

I’m Now Venting:

I spent the past day and a half at a conference of sorts for women interested in being entrepreneurs. The first half day was pretty good. The organizer, who is a brand name speaker, was dynamic. She had lots to say and said it well. I took notes. I felt jazzed. I went home enthused about what day two would bring.

Day Two was a major disappointment. Major.

Part of it was that my entrepreneurial intentions have nothing to do with a retail product. Thus, the advice from successful marketers of tea bags or baby towels mean nothing to me.

Part of it was that my years online mean I couldn’t benefit from the Intro to Social Media 101 approach that the speakers took. I was the wrong audience.

But a large part of it–and my anger right now–has to do with this: Goddamit, women, speak up. Enough with the wispy voice. It may have been attractive in the days of crinolines, but today, it’s standing in the way of people taking you seriously.

If what you’re saying is worth saying–and you mean it–say it loud and proud. Try to get your voice down a register. Know that Minnie Mouse and Betty Boop are not good role models in this regard.

And if you’re looking to be an entrepreneur, particularly one who speaks at meetings and conferences, take a public speaking course. Join Toastmasters. Get a coach.

Do not stand in front of a roomful of people and low-talk your way through your presentation. Do not hold the microphone near your mouth and then keep turning your head from side to side away from it. Do not be afraid of the mic: it’s your friend, because it’s the reason your audience can hear your pearls of wisdom.

Creating an intimate relationship between you and your audience cannot be done at the same decibel level that you normally speak. The trick is to give the illusion that you are speaking personally and only to each and every person present, but to do it so that she or he in the far reaches of the room can clearly hear every word you’re saying.

It’s called projection. It’s how actors make their lines heard in the back of the second balcony. It’s a technique that anyone can learn.

Why does this make me so mad? Because we women do ourselves such a disservice when we don’t take seriously how we actually sound. The timbre of one’s voice conveys a lot of non-verbal information that affects how we’re perceived, judged and rewarded for our efforts. Speak softly and it can come across as hesitant, unsure, fearful. Voice a complaint or negative comment in anything but a straightforward manner and it can come across as whining.

Yes, yes,, I know that these are epithets that have historically been applied to women to reduce their effectiveness. I can just see that commenter who tells me I’m buying into the male-dominated version of the world. I look at it, rather, as buying into reality as it exists right now. Maybe years down the road, our culture will have evolved to the point that Minnie Mouse will be a voice of authority. But right now is what we’re dealing with.

Right now, we need to say what we mean and say it loud and proud.

 

Photo credit: Publicspeakingsuperpowers.com

 

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by Ann Dunnewold of Who Says?!!

 

I’m not trying those on, they’re size 10!”

“I refuse to wear a size 12.”

“Wow, I fit into a size 6!”

“Let’s go in this store; in here, I’m a size 4!”

On any given shopping trip, put me and perhaps a daughter or sister or two into the dressing room together, and the chatter pretty much flows just like that. Then there’s the “I’m smokin’– look at me!” dance when a size 6 zips up neatly.

The feminist ref in my head may as well throw down the penalty flag since I’m guilty of having spiked the “size equals value as a woman” football into the end zone in order to get that little victory.

Who says a six (or a four or a ten) is a badge of honor–let alone a badge of shame? Then there’s that ridiculous size 0 or 00!! Does that make me a size nothing, or double nothing? Sounds like I’m invisible–or the incredible shrinking woman.

I’ve been every size from a 16 to a 4, and I definitely like myself better when I’m wearing the “right size.” However, too many women fixate on an arbitrary number as to what is the right size. The numbers are arbitrary, as I found out while learning to sew back in 1967.

The history of standardized sizing began with home sewing patterns back in the 1930s. Prior to that time, most clothing was individually sewn and tailored to fit the wearer. Then in an effort to standardize sizing for mass produced clothing,  the first large-scale scientific study of women’s body measurements was done.  About 15,000 American women were measured, 59 body points in all, as part of a USDA survey. Marilyn Monroe-esque curvy was the shape of most women at that initial assessment, with pronounced bust and hips and thinner waist. A size 12 then measured as a 30 inch bust.

In 1956, however, a new role model came on the scene–the Barbie doll–and sizing changed again. Now a size 12 was a 32 inch bust. (and beautiful bombshell Marilyn would’ve worn size 16!) In mid-1967, the standard changed once again and size 12 became a 34 inch bust.

Fast forward to today: sizes are firmly anchored in the realm of “vanity sizing.” Store to store, designer to designer, manufacturers  lure you in by labeling ever larger sizes with smaller numbers. In fact, the fashion industry resists any effort to standardize sizes, as was done in 1940, fearing loss of a customer if the size she wear gets upsized.

Upsized like a value meal? Who would stand for that? I try to forget this crazy numbers game! Do I like how I look? Do I feel good? Does this outfit feel like me? I’ve tried to define my style and stick with it and ignore the size, rather than let it make me feel bad about myself.

Photo credit: www.princecharmingsmadame.com/

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People in midlife don’t see so good. At the least,  we’ve got that dreaded presbyopia, where your lenses are doing what the rest of your body is doing–sinking downward–and you can no longer read, eat, or do closework without the so-called Reading Glasses.

That’s if you’re lucky. If you’re like many of us, your presbyopia has joined forces with the nearsightedness or farsightedness or astigmatism that you were diagnosed with back in the day. Then you get to shell out hundreds of dollars for bi-focals or tri-focals.

Such is my situation, which is why when a rep from Optx2020 contacted me about trying a pair of their readers, I had to sorrowfully decline. Said rep then dangled a mighty carrot for my overweening curiosity: magnetic readers. What were magnetic readers, I wanted to know, and if I couldn’t try them, who did I know who could be the guinea pig.

I present my nephew, Bernie Schafer, (and his co-author, Sam) who tried the magnetic readers and found them, as he says, “Brilliant.”

by Bernie & Sam Schafer

About three weeks ago,I was asked to test out these new glasses. Here are my thoughts and suggestions.

First of all, the idea of the magnets on the temples is brilliant! It’s nice to be able to snap on and off accessories. However, the glue holding them in is not strong enough. I snapped on an accessory and found the magnet stuck on to the accessory broken in two pieces. The glasses came with extra pieces, so I was able to replace them.

I also liked the way that these glasses fit on perfectly. Being a bald man myself, I have the problem of marks on my temples from snug glasses. Because of the bendable hinges, this doesn’t happen.

Another thing I noticed about these glasses is they are very light. This feature combined with the temples issue makes it so I barely can tell that I’m wearing glasses.

Something I like that wasn’t on the glasses themselves was the suction cup accessory. I usually buy 99¢ glasses because I will put my glasses down, and that’s the end of them. With this feature, I could be reading the paper, and just grab my glasses from the wall next to me. What a clever accessory!

I highly recommend these frames to anyone that needs glasses. They are unlike any glasses I have ever had. All I can say is brilliant, just brilliant.

If you’d like to learn more about the magnetic readers, go to the Optx2020 site here. Optx2020 sent a free pair of glasses for Bernie Schafer to try. The opinions, however, are all his own.

 

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This summer, my sister and brother-in-law celebrated their Fiftieth wedding anniversary. It was a very big deal. Their three kids threw them a black tie dinner dance at the gorgeous Hyatt Hotel in Long Beach, CA. This photo is one of the MANY that were taken that night (I believe there were no less than two videographers in attendance), and I’m showing it to you for a reason.

I’m wearing those Lisette L “pants with Flaterie fit” that I told you about on MidLifeBloggers back in August. Turns out that while there were many photos taken, this is the only one that featured me in my Lisette L’s, which is why you’re having to look at a really BIG jpeg. I want you to pay attention to is me from the waist down. From the waist up is okay as well…

Yes, the vibrant blue of my sister’s gown kinda plunges my black Lisette L’s into the background. No mind; let me tell you about them.

Lisette L pants are the brainchild of a Canadian couple, Lisette Limoge and her husband, Neil Small, and they have created a variety of styles that are pull-ons with no buttons or zippers. If you’re thinking Old Lady Pants, forget it. They’ve done it with a fabric and a fit “that flattens and flatters, slims the abs, contours the hips and shapes the behind.”

It’s true. There is no need to wear Spanx underneath these because they are, in fact, their own Spanx. Yet they have the weight and feel and look of slacks. I wore them all evening without feeling like I was in a circa 1950′s girdle. In fact, if I can best describe how they felt, it was this: like a glove. This is how I imagine slacks should fit if they’ve been tailored perfectly for your body. Except that these, the Lisette L’s, were straight off the rack.

I do have a caveat, however. It was only after I removed them from the washing machine that I saw the “hand wash only” tag.

I try to avoid such garments because–well, frankly, I only do such hand washes once or twice a year, so the garments end up in a pile of dirty clothes waiting for me to feel guilty enough that I act.

Had I ruined my Lisette L’s? They were all creased up and wrinkled, so I put them in the dryer. But when I took them out–voila! as they would say at Lisette L in Quebec–they looked just as good as they had when I put them on before my sister’s party. Had they shrunk up, however? I feared as much but when I tried them on just now, they still have that like-a-glove fit. I’m not sure why Lisette L has that hand wash only tag on them, but mine went through the washer and dryer just fine.

There are a number of different styles, colors and patterns. Here, have a look at the behind-the-scenes video of Lisette L’s 2012-13 line:

 

Lisette L sent me the pair of pants pictured above for the purpose of reviewing them. The opinions are, as always, my own.

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I am of the mind that shoes make the woman.  Or, rather, shoes make the woman’s look, outfit, dress.   And unmake it, as well.  Meaning: the most gorgeous, expensive well-fitted outfit will be brought down several pegs at least by shoes that are not the equal of that outfit.  And vice versa: A blah dress straight off the marked-down-forever racks at Ross or Penny’s can be made to soar, so to speak, by wearing it with incredible shoes.

I have been, if nothing else, the girl with the cute shoes, and I relish shoe shopping. The thrill of the hunt: what new and different is out there? Will they have it in my size? Will it fit? Well, maybe that last one wasn’t so important. Not that I would emulate Cinderella’s sister and cut off my toes to fit into a cherished slipper, but really, don’t all women expect some measure of foot discomfort?

Beauty is not painless, as my Aunt Regina used to tell my mother. My mother listened to her older sister; she daily wore high heels, as high as they made them, which at the time was a scant three inches.

Of course, Aunt Regina, who was an artist and designer, not to mention an Upper Westside New Yorker, was the absolute arbiter of what one did and didn’t do fashion-wise. So I was befuddled when she suddenly appeared in the worlds clunkiest shoes. Space shoes, I believe they were called, about as ergonomically correct as could be, since they were made to fit a plaster mold of one’s foot.

They were without any redeeming design features, but according to Aunt Regina they were necessary for her feet. Something about bunions and corns and falling arches–I don’t know what all. Clearly this was something only old people thought about, so I stopped listening to her explanation. Such shoes had nothing to do with me.  And never would.  Ever.

I am not sure if I am close to the age Aunt Regina was then. When you’re young, everyone over forty looks old (which is why we don’t recognize ourselves in the mirror these days). I do know that the ills of the aging foot, of which I wrote last week on MidLifeBloggers, are mine.  I still won’t wear space shoes, but I’ve moved into the arena of Comfort More Than Cuteness.

You’ll notice I said Comfort More Than, not Comfort Over Cuteness.  My friend, Laurie, and I debated this the last time I was in New York.  Laurie is also an Upper WestSide New Yorker. She has the delicate, narrow feet that I associate with patricians, while mine are the large ones that the peasant stock stood on. She had the exquisite shoe taste to go with her feet, and I have spent no little time envying her foot wardrobe. No more, though. Laurie now wears running shoes 24/7 wherever she goes.  Sad to say, those beautiful patrician feet aren’t holding up so well, and Laurie has opted for comfort over style.

I could tell from the comments on the MidLifeBloggers post last week that Laurie is not alone.  I am somewhat solitary, it would seem, in my insistence on wearing shoes that have some modicum of Cuteness to them.  But this whole adventure with FootSmart has forced me to question my standards, and that has sent me dangerously close to that spiralling downward tunnel labeled “I Don’t Want To Be Old.”

I don’t want to be dead, either, which is what wiseacres, generally male, generally middle-aged have told  me is my alternative to being old.  Yes, I get it.  So let me rename that tunnel, “I Don’t Want To Be Perceived as Being Old.” Ah, that’s much clearer.

It’s a tunnel that has many entrances. Today we’re talking of feet, but it could just as easily be facial features and hair color and the propping up of various body parts. Isn’t that, after all, why we cover our gray and botox our wrinkles? So people who see us don’t automatically put us in the category of Old. Because we know how old we are, so there’s no fooling us. And those near and dear know it as well. No, it’s that person over there, down the street, in the next office who we are hoping to convince to still take us seriously. Which means, we believe, in seeing us as Not Old.

It used to be easier, I think. When I was a kid, old ladies wore black lace-up brogues with a squat inch heel. Now they’re the height of fashion, and old ladies wear–what?

These are the shoes that FootSmart just sent me.  They’re by Clark, Haley Eagle Flats from their Privo line. Clark’s, you know, the ones who make all those ergonomically- and orthopedically-correct shoes.When you see them on my feet, tell me–how old am I?

And these?

The Drew Women’s Sandy Sandals? Drew’s is known for their orthopedic shoes. Do these look orthopedic? I thought not.

Clearly, the problem is within me. Perhaps if I hadn’t spent so much time as a young woman thinking ill of my elders for their seeming lack of style, I wouldn’t, now that I’m the elder, be so hoisted on my own petard. Perhaps.

FootSmart sent me the styles shown above for the purposes of reviewing them.  The opinions are, as always, my own.

 

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It’s August, the season when all the fashion magazines are trumpeting the new looks for Fall. Some years, some magazines get it right and some, quite simply, do not. As we’re going through the 2012 August issues, we decided that some looks were just too good not to share.

This is actress  Mireille Enos (The Killing) in the August issue of InStyle. She’s wearing Oscar de la Renta’s wool jacket and chiffon blouse:”I feel so womanly in all this lace.Perhaps a bit like a woman I’ll never be, but it feels so elegant to wear.”

To which we say, “Where’s the rest of the outfit? You felt so womanly you forgot your pants or a skirt? Or you felt so womanly you took them off? Or you just figured all that lace would distract us from the fact that you’re NOT WEARING ANYTHING ON THE BOTTOM!”

Of course, we shouldn’t blame poor Mireille Enos; it’s  the stylist, Samira Nasr, who gets the credit for this incredible mashup of doilies.

Is this an outfit that makes you want to hit the shops to create your version?  Will you be wearing something on the bottom?  Tell us in the comments.

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The Advisory Board advises: on Skin Care

Advisors

Slowly but surely the MidLife-Beauty Advisory Board is getting into gear. Today we have tips on skin care from two members: Laurie recommends a hand and body lotion called DermaDaily which she found on-line.  She says it’s a terrific skin moisturizer with aloe vera gel that is latex-free and gives long lasting protection. According to the company that [...]

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Advanced Style: The Thin End of the Wedge

Body

For those of you who rant about ageism in the media, for those of you who are mad that popular culture ignores people who qualify for Medicare, for those of you griping about the way that the fashion industry has shut seniors out–I offer you example A: Ari Seth Cohen’s book, based on his blog, [...]

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Can We Talk: The Baring of Arms

Body

And I start to wonder, who or what am I saving by not forcing them to witness the exposure of my upper arms?

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Susan Gets Nail Art

Body

All of you who commented on the last post–and those who haven’t yet–snap a photo of your toes and we’ll have our Galerie d’Ongle.

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