Every year I have this argument with myself:
Me: It’s summertime–whee!–look at all the pretty summer clothes in the stores.
Myself: Yeah, look at how almost all of them are sleeveless. You can’t wear sleeveless. You’re too old.
Me: Says who?
Myself: Says all the fashion know-it-alls. Top of the list of what not to do in the summer is wear sleeveless tops and bare your aging arms.
Me: Top of the list?
Myself: Well, maybe second, after Don’t Wear Short Shorts.
I tend to listen to myself in the early days of summer. Until I get hot. Then I start to rebel. And I start to wonder, who or what am I saving by not forcing them to witness the exposure of my upper arms?
Why are the upper arms of older women considered so heinous?
- Because they’re so flabby
- And flaccid
- And liver-spotted
- And cellulite-dimpled
- And, often, fat
How is it, then that sleeveless tops on overweight young women are not considered heinous? Is it not the cellulite-dimpled and flacid that is the problem, but the liver-spots?
And what about men of every age who wear sleeveless tops. Why are their flabby, flaccid, liver-spotted, cellulite-riddled arms not an offense as well? Especially when you consider that there is generally a brush of armpit hair splayed out for the world to view.
Is this an ageist, gender-related issue? Women must hide all aspects of themselves that may hint at the state of their reproductive capablilty. If we are not to cloister our aging bodies in our rooms, at least we can save the populace from having to witness these signs of our uselessness to society.
Yeah yeah yeah…probably true, that. But so what? I have no desire to even try to change the cultural mores of the Western world. Instead, I’ll change myself.
- I will wear sleeveless tops
- I will not judge the jiggly underarms of other women who are baring them.
- I will not envy those with taut arms (including Andrea Mitchell, and how does she do it?)
- I will not not view my image in the mirror with the critical eyes of the younger me.
- I will stop thinking, damn, what happened to my arms?
- I will work at forming a revised image of what an attractive me looks like wearing sleeveless tops, as opposed to the one I now have from years of nubile models.
- I will not give a shit what the fashion know-it-alls tell me I must or mustn’t do.
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
I will not sit next to a man who’s wearing a wife-beater tank top. Who wants to see, smell, graze his hairy underarms? I’ve lucked out in the arms race. Not too bad for 61, still muscular. Yoga will help tone. So, yes, I wear sleeveless. But men, don’t push this. I would like you to also stay out of restaurants where I’m eating. Ewww, gross.
Elaine,
A man in a wife-beater tank–ugh! They always seem to have a beer-drinkers belly as well. I can’t decided whether that’s the worst or the same guy in a Speedo.
If it’s any consolation, I don’t think men should wear sleeveless tops post 30. We all need to ignore the magazines that serve to destroy the self-esteem of anyone over 35 and embrace our crepey skin. You should live here in Australia where you have to model your old gal skin nine months of the year!
Louisa,
I live in California; it’s almost as bad…or good, depending on your weather preference.
Thank you…I have always looked at younger and large girls with envy that they will not only wear sleeveless but tube type dresses and they look lovely….I am signing on for a sleeveless Summer…
Carol,
I stopped wearing the tube type dresses because the joy of them–just pulling on a dress and going out–is ruined by having to wear a strapless bra. Let us know how your sleeveless summer goes.
I say “bare those arms” and be proud of all they’ve done and held.
I agree there is a definite double standard when it comes to men baring their arms without shame. That being said there are some wonderful light fabric 3/4 sleeved t-shirts that I wear so I protect my arms from the sun. But, today in your honor I will go sleeveless!
Diane
Diane,
Let us know how you fared after your sleeveless day! Do you think it will become a secret habit???
Going sleeveless I felt a strange sensation which at first I couldn’t identify. Then it dawned on me. It was air touching my armpits. All in all, a good day!
I’ve noticed that photos of women in their 50s-70s are rare. I made a pledge to myself that I would not use photos of ‘young’ women for my blog and it’s been very hard to find agreeable pics to use.
As for arms? Mine are very flabby due to weight and lack of conditioning so I tend to judge myself but I do have lots of sleeveless tops and dresses. And, yes I am at times self-conscious.
Walker,
I didn’t make that pledge–it just seems a no-brainer–so I know what you mean about the difficulty of finding on-line pix to use. That’s probably why I’m being my own model so often these days!
Dear Jane
Well we just got off the phone so you know I’m still trying to recapture my toned arms by working with a trainer and kettle bells. I don’t think I can ever get passed hating my arms with are large because I swam as a kid so much. But the cellulite and the dangles-o temp ore o mores. Oy. Love you and support you in your transition with your arms.
Laur,
You have always been my role model when it comes to working out. I remember you with the weights at that gym back in Burbank!
I am in total support of your campaign! We’re sisters in arms.
Thank you, Terri–I feel like we should get buttons or something. Maybe Tshirts. Sleeveless ones, of course.
I hear you. And yet I too bare my arms as the thermostat hits triple digits, which, by the way is due Saturday. *Sigh*
My issue, is vericose veins, but I can’t wear jeans all summer! Our poor bodies! We talk so badly about them, meaner than we are to anyone else, ever.
I don’t have the answer–except, yes, we should all stop judging the jiggly arms, vericose veins, liver spots of others as well. (Guilty here!). We can’t all afford a lift.
dahlila xo
Dahlila,
Yes, yes, yes–it’s the judging of others and of ourselves that has got to stop.
If enough of us have that conversation with ourselves, Joanna, that’s all it will really take to break the model.
I’ve had this exact same conversations with my 54 year old self! Oy.
xo jj