I wrote this post two years ago. Read it and know that I still haven’t found a pool. And I still don’t look as good as the model.
I just ordered this bathing suit from Land’s End. It’s February and I’m looking at swimwear. I do this every year. And every year, I pass on the opportunity to clothe my body for a season of swimming. Thus, every year I do not swim.
I do not swim for a variety of reasons–well, at least two. The first is that swimming requires getting wet. I don’t have anything particular against getting wet–I do it every day in the shower, after all–so perhaps it’s the getting wet in front of other people that dismays me. The second reason that I don’t swim is that I don’t look like Christie Brinkley in a bathing suit. Even when I was of the size of Christie Brinkley, I didn’t look like her in a bathing suit.
The fact is that my figure flaws are exaggerated, exacerbated, and made paramount by the wearing of a swim suit. Despite never having given birth to a single child, my belly is–well, it’s definitely a belly. Now, in my later years, since my breasts have decided to bloom forth, my measurements put me very much in the full-figured group. I’ve got an hourglass figure–at least from the front. From the side? Not so much. From the side, I resemble a cowboy with kidney disease. That is, I have a pancake flat ass and a ballooning belly. I don’t even like to look at it, so why should I put it on display?
Because, goddamit, it’s my body. Okay, that feminist shout was strictly for the internet. In person, I’m whispering. Yes, it’s my body and I know I should love it. I should honor how well it works and how long it has supported me in my endeavors. Yada yada yada–and blah blah blah.
I do not blame the patriarchy or our consumer culture for the fact that I’m less than uncomfortable with the way I look in a bathing suit. I’ve found over the years that such blame doesn’t help the situation. My body is still my body, no matter whose fault it is that it doesn’t look the way I want it to. That’s the fact I have to deal with, and that is the fact that I must amend.
So–I’ve bought a bathing suit this year as an exercise in Immersion Therapy (yes, I get the pun; no, it wasn’t intentional). I will wear the suit until I don’t give a rat’s ass what I look like in it. I will wear the suit until the chlorine fades it gray. I will wear the suit forever–and I will swim.
Now I just have to find a pool.
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
My daughter convinced me to get a tankini with a flat skirt (as opposed to the old kind of skirts that were floofy.) It’s comfortable and doesn’t make me feel frumpy, even though it’s modest.
I always envied the boys, who could wear normal clothes at the beach. And now we can too…board shorts. Topped with a tankini and I feel close to comfortable at the pool.
Bathing suit or swim suit? A suit at all? I used to swim laps, but I agree that even with how swimming elongates the body, getting wet is a downer, or a drowner.
Elaine C.,
It amazes me that some people just love to dive into a cold body of water. It amazes me that some people just love to dive. I’ve always been afraid I’d hit bottom and break my head.
I finally broke down and bought a Miracle Suit. It’s a tankini with an underwire, cup-size top, and a skirted bottom. It cost tons of money! Does it make me look gorgeous and young? Heck no! But, it does lift up the Girls and squishes in my tummy a bit, and the little ruffle skirted bottom hides the stuff nobody wants to see. I really couldn’t afford it, but I have to have at least one good swimsuit, no matter how I think I look. I live in Florida and love the beach so it’s hard to avoid being in a swimsuit once in a while.
The great thing is, when you’re at the beach often like I am, you see many body types. And nobody except the very young are gorgeous in their swimsuits. But, everybody is having fun! So, relax and enjoy.
Patti,
You’re between a rock and a hard place living in Florida, so I applaud your splurging on the Miracle Suit.
Oh, I feel your pain. I finally broke down and bought a bathing suit last year (at age 54) for the first time in about 15 years… I got a spray tan first. Somehow with a tan things looked a little better– Sure, it’s “smoke and mirrors” in a can, but I finally took the plunge into the pool.
xo jj
Joanna,
Tell me that the spray tan didn’t run in the water. That’s what I’d be afraid of. And how long did it last?
That’s a great-looking suit. I’ll have to check out their website. Don’t be so hard on yourself. When I’m God women who look like that model will be considered freaks and ostracized from society.
Ugh to bathing suits. My kids insist on going to the pool all summer so I cover as much as possible. I never look at myself in a bathing suit!! Great post!
Thanks, Amy. It’s true that your children get you to do things you don’t really want to…like Disneyland and Magic Mountain.
Bathing suits don’t look good on anyone over the age of 18. However, I swim a lot because I’m fortunate enough to have a pool and it is the one place where I can lift my arm. I keep the water very warm, I use my one good arm to swim with and I never look in a mirror while in a swimsuit. : )
Your own pool? Hell, you could swim in the nude and that would solve the whole swimsuit issue.